


Light of My Life

by DarkFlowerDreaming



Category: British Actor RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 14:21:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3071366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkFlowerDreaming/pseuds/DarkFlowerDreaming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom is the light to Loki's darkness. Loki cannot let his darkness extinguish the light.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Light of My Life

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lokesenna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lokesenna/gifts), [Batsutousai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batsutousai/gifts).



> Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Marvel. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended. The character of Thomas "Tom" Hiddleston is based on a real person, and no offence is intended. 
> 
> Thanks to [Batsutousai](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Batsutousai) for betaing. 
> 
> This is based loosely on [PrincelySecrets](https://twitter.com/PrincelySecrets) and [Curious_Dancer](https://twitter.com/Curious_Dancer/) on twitter.

Loki was lying on the sofa, balancing a cup of tea on his chest and staring contemplatively at the ceiling of his lover’s home. For once, neither the TV nor the radio were on, so the only noise was the clanging of baking tins and the rustling of baking paper as said lover baked biscuits for Christmas in the kitchen. 

“Hmmph, me being too messy, what a stupid reason to refuse my help. And banishing me from the kitchen entirely while he is baking is far too harsh for putting in salt instead of sugar that one time. It was an accident,” Loki grumbled, the tea turning cold far too fast due to his foul mood. “It is unfair. UNFAIR, YOU HEAR ME?” he yelled, pouting because he did not get to eat the last bits of dough that couldn’t be formed into the shapes of stars or hearts anymore. Even that Tom had forbidden him. 

He earned a chuckle through the open door of the kitchen. “I am just saving everyone who will get to eat these, love. Which includes both of us!” Tom put his head out of the door, stuck out his tongue at the god occupying his couch and went back to his baking. 

“It was one time!” Loki huffed again before putting the now cold tea, which had been a peace offering from Tom, on the table and getting up to search for a book to pass the time until the mortal would come out of the kitchen – hopefully with biscuits to appease him. 

He did not have to wait long before the last batch was done and Tom came out to him, carrying a tray with more tea and a plate with some of the biscuits that looked deformed and could not be offered to anyone as a gift. Tom himself was covered in flour, icing sugar and jam, but looked like he wouldn’t have it any other way, smiling broadly at the still – but less so than before – disgruntled god who had returned to the sofa with – of all things – a book containing fairy tales. 

“Hey, love, I come in peace and with generous offerings!” When Loki did not even start to move his outstretched feet to make some space on the couch, Tom set down the tray on the table and went to straddle his lover’s hips. Leaning forward, he gently shifted the book away so that he could properly look at the god. “Oh come on, stop pouting. You can help me next time, okay? I just didn’t want to pay attention to three kinds of dough and you at the same time. I know it was an accident, but I’m paranoid. Mmmh?” 

Stubborn as he was, Loki refused to look at Tom when he tried to reason with him. Instead he let one of the biscuits float into his mouth before righting his book again to read on. 

Undeterred by the raven’s antics, Tom gently took the book out of Loki’s hands – neither would risk damage to it – and closed the rest of the distance between them, propping himself up on his arms to lean over Loki while lying down in between his legs. “Loooki, please. I even made a whole batch just for you, but if you continue to be like this I fear I’ll have to eat them all by myself, drowning my sorrow in their sweetness!” he whined mock-pathetically, looking at Loki with his best puppy eyes. 

The god glared at the actor when he took away his book, but when he lowered himself onto him he trained his face into a more level expression. He knew Tom trusted him not to hurt him, even if he was angry, which made staying angry harder. The promised batch of biscuits also helped with that. “That is a low blow, even for you, Thomas. I didn’t think you’d resort to blackmail.” Loki’s tone was dry, but he could not resist his lover’s expression. His mouth curved into a small smile. “You’re horrible.” _I love you. Even if I cannot tell you._

Tom laughed. “Liar,” he said fondly, his eyes glittering with mirth and his whole face lighting up. He finally lay down completely and rested his face on Loki’s chest. “Mmmh, baking is exhausting. But the result is sooooo worth it. I can’t wait to feed you.” He pressed light kisses against his neck before he got up rather abruptly, prompting Loki to pull up his knees to his chest, before he sat down at his side again. 

Confused, Loki sat up as well, wondering if he did do something wrong. Studying his lover’s face, he noticed that the light had mostly disappeared from his eyes, and his features looked more serious than before. “…Thomas, is everything alright? What’s wrong?” His tone was soft, his expression a little frightened. “Was it something I said…?” The god hated seeing his usually so radiant lover looking so gravely serious. 

By now Tom was fidgeting with his teacup, taking a sip every so often before finally downing the rest in one go. Only then did he put it down and turn to Loki again, as if the beverage had given him courage. “No, no, Loki, it’s not you… Actually, it’s just, well… I spend every Christmas with my family, over at my Mum’s house you see, and… How do I say this…?” 

“…and you want to do so now too?” Loki finished the sentence, trying not to sound as hopeless as he suddenly felt. “I- It’s okay, darling, I won’t stop you. I can watch the house, if that would be okay… Enjoy the time with your f- your family…” Loki had thought that they would spend Christmas together, he had spent ages trying to find something he could give Tom, but if he was to remain alone on that day then… well, he would manage. He was used to being alone, to having no real family, after all. 

“What? Loki no, that’s not what I’m saying! Not at all! I- I wanted to ask if you want to come with me! To meet my family… I would never leave you behind, my love!” Shocked at Loki’s reaction, Tom quickly closed the distance between them and pulled the god into a tight embrace. “I would never ask that of you, Loki! I want you to be with me!” 

Loki, a little lost in his sadness, did not realize at first what Tom was saying. It was only when he was pulled close to his lover that he caught up with his words. “You… actually want me to meet them? Really?” His words were tinged with uncertainty. Tom had often talked about them, yes, but meeting them? “Are you sure they should meet… me?” He was not exactly, well… a model boyfriend. Especially not for a family that was used to their son and brother bringing home women. 

“Of course I’m sure, love! I thought it through very thoroughly. Mum would love you right off the bat, I’m sure, and the rest will follow soon after. You’re far more wonderful than you give yourself credit, Loki.” With this, Tom gently kissed Loki, cupping his face with his hands and moving as close to him as possible, causing Loki to reciprocate and melt into him despite his insecurities. “Loki, my dear, you are one of the most important people to me. You’re family, just as they are, okay?” Tom softly touched their foreheads together, his voice dropping to a whisper. “But if you would rather that we both stay here, alone, that would be alright too. I don’t want to force you to anything. I love you.” 

Tom was so understanding. Loki could not believe his luck that he was allowed to be with someone like this, after all the wrongs he had wrought. “Thank you, my Thomas. You are such a wonderful person, how do I deserve you, mmh?” Tears were welling up in the god’s eyes and he felt silly for them. He could not even return these words that meant so much to him. He felt like Tom did, but he could not speak of it. His silvertongue was not good with such truths, never had been. “Thomas, to be honest, I do not know if it would be the best idea… But, if you think so, I’ll accompany you there. I cannot keep you from them, can I?” Loki just wished that his voice was not tinged with uncertainty, even with that admission. 

When he saw the tears in his lover’s eyes, Tom gently caressed his cheeks, brushing away the tears that had not yet started to fall. “Please stop talking about yourself like that, Loki. You are wonderful. Thank you sooo much for agreeing to this, my darling. It will be great, I just know it! I’m so glad we’ll be together!” With that, Tom let out a breathy, relieved laugh and peppered Loki’s face with kisses. 

“I pale in comparison to you, Thomas.” Loki smiled shakily. “You brought light into my life, and I will be forever grateful for it.” Without you, my heart is shrouded in darkness. “Yet, I had rather you not tell them beforehand, please? I do not want them to think it necessary to gift me something, as is tradition, yes?” The god doubted that Tom’s family would be open and eager to meet him, and he hoped that them not being forced to think of gifts would better his chances. 

Tom was visibly taken aback by Loki’s request, judging by the way his right eyebrow shot up. After a short moment of contemplation however, he agreed. “If you would prefer that, alright. Mum will have plenty of food anyway, and since you would sleep in my bed, space would not be a problem either… This will be an interesting surprise though. Oh well. Fine. I’ll try to keep my big mouth shut.” He chuckled. 

Loki smiled, relieved. “Thank you, my dearest. Surprises are my specialty, as you should know.” His lips curved into a smirk very familiar to his lover, before his expression turned a little more amiable to hide his growing concerns. Instead of dwelling on them too much, he tried to change the subject. “But, this being settled, what should I get your family for Christmas?” It was a rather clumsy attempt, especially for Loki, but Tom accepted it and the rest of the day was spent with planning and enjoying the misshapen biscuits. 

After they went to bed that night, however, Loki lay awake for hours, wondering if meeting Tom’s family really was as great an idea as his lover thought it was. Who wanted a rogue god in the family, after all?

 

Over the next few days, the two went gift shopping and decorated the house even more than it had been before. Tom also spent hours educating Loki about Christmas and its Christian values (which bored Loki to death), and about its pagan origins (which at least interested him a little). Most of the time, they ended up cuddling on the couch halfway through, however. 

Still, there were always doubts nagging at the back of Loki’s mind, especially at night, when Tom was sleeping soundly, curled up close beside the god. Even in the darkness, Loki felt like there was a soft glow emanating from this kind soul that was so devoted to him. _Your darkness will snuff it out. There will only be an empty shell left of the warm and generous mortal that loved you so._ The god sat up abruptly, shaken by the thoughts that kept crawling into his head. _No, no, I cannot let that happen! Thomas is too good for that fate! Too good for… me…_

By some stroke of luck, Tom was not woken up by Loki’s startled movement, and so Loki was free to get out of bed silently and pace around the living room, trying to shake of the feeling of dread that had befallen him. He had felt like this before, at times, but ever since Tom brought up the meeting with his family it had been getting worse. Now he was plagued by these thoughts every night, and sometimes he even felt like he was drawing his lover’s light out of him when they kissed, strange as that seemed. 

Eventually, Loki sat down in one of the armchairs and stared at the unlit fireplace, his eyes empty. Tom found him hours later, confused as to why he was not in bed with him. By then, Loki had schooled his face into a more lively expression, hiding his true feelings. _I’m sorry, my Thomas. I cannot stay with you. You deserve better._

Just how was he supposed to go about this? 

 

It took Loki almost the whole day to decide that it was better not to talk about it, even though Tom had been perceptive enough to figure out that something was on the god’s mind, and asked about it. It was only thanks to his centuries of practice that Loki managed to deflect the questions without arousing the actor’s suspicion too much, but it left a bitter taste on his silvertongue. 

He also came to the conclusion that he had to leave before Christmas. If he was to meet Tom’s family, it would be harder to leave, since it would take their relationship to another level. It would be an even greater commitment, and he could not do this to his Thomas. But he could not bring himself to leave immediately either. This man, this wonderful, handsome, kind, generous, radiant, funny, smart, loving man was everything he ever wanted, and he could not stay with him. _Just one more night, then I’ll leave. Feeling his warmth for the last time…_

After a quiet dinner, Loki gently wrapped his arms around Tom, who was standing at the sink, drying the dishes he had just cleaned. His head on the actor’s shoulder, he pressed small kisses against his neck, relishing in the human’s warmth. “Do you have any special plans for the evening, Thomas?” Loki’s voice was smooth as silk while he started to nip his lover between kisses. 

“I don’t, as a matt- ngh… matter of fact, Loo~ki. But apparently you do, right… ah…” The poor actor barely managed to answer properly with Loki shamelessly using one of his weak spots. “And I must say, I’mmmh… all for it.” Tom shivered lightly under the god’s touch, leaving the dishes in favour of catching Loki’s now wandering hands with his own. He turned in the god’s embrace and retaliated for his nibbling by capturing him in a heated kiss. 

More than pleased with Tom’s reactions, Loki chuckled at his lover’s attempt at revenge, more than willing to reciprocate. He lightly tugged at his hair, enjoying the moan that earned him, before pressing close to the actor, breaking the kiss in favour of whispering into his ear, “I am glad you are, darling… Now, let’s take this upstairs, shall we?” Not waiting for an answer, he picked Tom up and carried him up to their bedroom, snorting at the little yelp his lover let out at that. 

“I have no obj- ahh!” Tom clung to Loki a little unceremoniously at first, but he quickly caught himself, admiring – not for the first time – the strength of the god. Then he was set down onto the edge of the bed with Loki standing between his spread legs and leaning down to continue the kiss. Feeling bold, Tom grabbed the front of Loki’s shirt, scooted further back onto the bed and dragged the god on top of him. 

Losing his balance with the sudden movement, Loki toppled onto Tom, barely managing not to crush the actor under himself. In spite of himself he laughed and lay down next to his lover, pulling him close. “You are a naughty one, Thomas. But you cannot fool me, my mortal.” _But I can still fool you._

Shaking off this thought, Loki sneaked his hands under Tom’s shirt, stroking up to his nipples before pulling the shirt over his curly head. With his newly gained access, he licked a small trail from his collarbone to his navel before coming up for another kiss. 

“Not nearly as naughty as you, my love,” Tom managed to say before he was topless and moaning from Loki’s actions. “Mmmh, case in point.” He winked at Loki before the kiss and cupped his face, deepening the kiss with a soft rumble. He then let his hands wander about the god’s still clothed back down to his arse, giving it a squeeze. “You are wearing way too many clothes...” 

“Am I now?” Loki asked teasingly but made no move to change that fact. Instead, he reached up to bury his hand in Tom’s hair while sucking at his neck. He had plans to drag this out as long as possible, to commit every inch of his lover’s gorgeous body to memory. When he was satisfied with the small mark blooming on the actor’s skin, he moved on, pressing kisses, some soft, some not, on Tom’s chest, ignoring the human tugging at his clothes in futile attempts to take them off. 

Alternating between moaning in pleasure and whining at Loki’s stubbornness, Tom eventually gave up and grumbled, “And a tease on top of that.” Instead of pulling at Loki, he set out to caress as much of him as he could while clothed. His hands roamed over the god’s strong body before one settled on the obvious bulge in his pants. Tom palmed his lover lightly and smirked at the shiver it earned him. 

“Who is the tease now, my dear?” Loki asked in between kisses. Rolling Tom from his side onto his back, he opened the actor’s fly and tugged down his trousers, before conceding to get rid of his own shirt. He sighed softly at the sight of Tom’s tented boxers and lightly fingered his erection through the fabric, eliciting another moan from his lover. 

Instead of answering, Tom dragged Loki up for a heated kiss before splaying his hands on his chest, enjoying the coolness of it. He then reached for the god’s trousers, but Loki evaded him, which made Tom pout a little and pull away. “What’s wrong, darling?” 

“Nothing, Thomas.” Loki inwardly winced at the lie. “I just want to worship you. Am I not allowed to?” The truth this time. Silvertongue indeed. He leaned in and nuzzled Tom’s cheek in an attempt to comfort his lover. “I even have a surprise for you, later.” 

The god waited for Tom’s nod of approval before proceeding to slip the actor’s boxers off. His own arousal was straining painfully against the confinements of his trousers, but he ignored it in favour of pressing a kiss to the tip of Tom’s cock. 

Loki then ran his fingers slowly along the length, just to tease a little, watching Tom squirm, before he wrapped his hand around the base. He started to stroke him slowly, basking in every little gasp he caused. Tom’s pleasure was all that mattered now. His other hand came up to caress over the actor’s hips and stomach. Still looking up at his human, Loki leaned down to lick up along the thick vein on Thomas’ dick, savouring the taste and the thickness of it. Then he wrapped his lips around the head while his hand still stroked the shaft languidly. 

A small moan escaped Tom’s throat at that, and he propped himself up on his elbows to have a better look at what was going on. “You know how to take perfect care of me, ngh.” He smiled fondly down at the god for a moment before throwing his head back with an even louder moan when Loki started swirling his tongue around his head. “S-Silvertongue...” 

Smirking around Tom’s length, Loki took in more of it and hummed lightly, causing the actor to shiver and pant even more. Satisfied with this reaction, Loki bobbed his head up and down the actor’s cock while his hand continued stroking. His other hand came down to gently fondle his scrotum. 

When he felt Tom’s fingers running through his hair, Loki let his cock slide out of his mouth and grinned. “Are you having fun, my dear, mmmh?” He trailed a line of kisses down the shaft before he deepthroated him in one quick motion, his own moan swallowed by the thickness in his mouth when Tom grabbed onto his hair in pleasurable surprise. 

“Nnnngh, darling, I’m sure you know the, hah, the answer to that...” Tom had lain back down before reaching for Loki’s hair and was now straining his neck to enjoy the show. “May I return the favour? Mmh?” 

Loki postponed answering that for a few minutes, intent on enjoying his lover’s cock for a few more minutes. When he popped off of it, chuckling at the needy whine that earned him, he said, “I’m sorry, but I have something else in mind, my Thomas~.” He then crawled up to the actor and kissed him deeply. “You may undress me though...” 

Pouting a little at the chuckle and the denial, Tom raised an eyebrow at the mention of something else. “Loki... It’s not like we have ever done much more than using our hands and mouths. The occasional rutting against each other... But, I must say I’m intrigued.” The kiss made him smile again, and he eagerly started freeing the god from his clothes, letting his hands roam all over his lover’s body and capturing his lips for more kisses. 

Loki had turned a little serious at Tom’s words, wondering if he was about to do the right thing, but his lover’s trust and eagerness only strengthened his resolve. After he was undressed, he conjured a small glass vial with a clear liquid into his hand. He then broke the kiss, turned the both of them around so that Tom was hovering over him, their erections brushing against each other. Pressing his free hand on Tom’s heart, he showed his lover the vial, watching confusion cloud his features. 

“Loki, what...?” Tom trailed off, his gaze flicking between Loki’s eyes and the vial, slowly filling with doubt. He sat up, away from the warm hand over his heart and waited for Loki to say something. 

Sensing his lover’s growing fear, Loki mentally scolded himself for not explaining his intentions. “Thomas, no, not like that, dearest. I know you are not ready for this yet. Come back here, please. I want- I would like you to...” Unable to finish the sentence, Loki let actions speak louder than words. He opened the vial and generously coated his finger with the lubricant inside before bringing the slick digits to his arse, hoping that Tom would realize what he was up to. 

Only when the first finger actually slid into Loki did Tom lean closer again, his eyes wide. “Loki... are you sure? I thought you prefer to... to be on top? Darling?” Insecurity tinged the actor’s voice, and he tentatively reached out for his lover. “We don’t have to...” 

“Shh, Thomas, it’s alright. I want this. I really do. I- I trust you.” Loki smiled at Tom and spread his legs wide, putting on a little show for his human. “Will you do this for- no, with me? Please... I need you.” By now the god had worked a second finger into himself and he groaned at the sensation. _Thomas, please!_

Tom’s gaze was fixed at the god working himself open, and his mouth fell open. Forcefully tearing himself away from it, he searched Loki’s eyes with his own, before his lips curled into a grateful smile. “I don’t know what to say, my love. Thank you so so much. I love you, Loki. I would love to do this _with_ you.” He let out a relieved laugh before finally shifting close to his lover again, pulling him into a kiss which quickly turned heated again. 

The god let out a breath that he had not known he was holding and melted into the kiss, glad that Tom was willing to do this. “I trust you,” he repeated before finally adding a third finger, stretching himself as far as necessary. When he was satisfied with the result he guided Tom between his legs and drizzled some of the lube over his cock, giving him a few hard strokes. 

Still mesmerized by the spectacle, Tom started positioning himself but then stilled. “Loki... wait. I should wear a condom, don’t you think?” He looked questioningly at the god. 

“That will not be necessary, Thomas. I assure you, it will be perfectly safe.” Loki scowled at the thought of a barrier between him and his lover. He had no need for such things. “I want to feel you. Please? My magic will prevent anything unwanted from happening.” 

“I- If you say so, Loki. I trust you, too.” The actor smiled at his lover before guiding his length to the god’s entrance. “You really want this? Please tell me if something is wrong or you want to stop.” 

Taking in the sight of Tom above him, ready to enter him, his love and concern for the god written so plainly on his face, Loki could not help but sigh softly. _I am sorry for tomorrow, Thomas._ “I am sure. Please, Thomas... I- I need you to take me.” 

Tom’s smile had only grown brighter at the god’s words and it looked like it was about to split his face in two. He leaned down and softly kissed Loki’s chest before he slowly pushed into the god. Gradually inching deeper, he watched Loki for any sign of discomfort. Only when he was fully inside him, did he relax a little. “Nnh, Loki~ You feel so good... Are you alright? Does it hurt?” 

Loki’s heart fluttered at the kiss and he smiled at Thomas in return. And then he was breached and he forced himself to relax, welcoming the intrusion, the heat and the pleasure. When the actor stilled, he pulled him into an embrace, assuring him that he was fine. “It does not hurt, no... I know you could never hurt me.” He kissed Tom deeply until they both gasped for air, before smirking and letting out a mock whine. “Thooomas, please, moooove!” 

Laughing as well as was possible while panting, Tom started to slowly pull out of Loki before pushing back in, setting an unhurried pace. He stayed as close to Loki as possible, trapping the god’s cock between them and peppering any part of Loki he could reach with kisses. 

For a few moments the god was completely lost in the heady feeling of Tom filling him, his closeness, his scent, his soft touches and his moans. Burying one hand in his lover’s locks, the other grabbing his arse, Loki started meeting Tom’s movements, moaning each time he felt Tom brush his prostate. 

It was not long after that when Tom increased his pace, driving into Loki with everything he had, spurred on by the god’s moans and cries. He wrapped one of his hands around Loki’s so far neglected cock, stroking him hard. “Loki, ngh, I don’t think I’ll last much- ahh, longer...” Tom’s voice sounded strained and raw with pleasure. 

Loki himself was rather close as well, and the sensation of Tom stroking him while pounding into him had him almost on the brink of orgasm right then. “It’s fi-fine, Thomas! I’m sooo close, nghhh! Please...” He rocked up into Tom’s hand as best as he could, craving the friction. “So close!” 

“Then just let go, my love.” Tom urged the god on and started stroking Loki faster, still driving into him as fast as he could. “I want to see you, ngh, Loki. Come for me!” 

With a small cry, Loki toppled over the edge at that command, his vision searing white for a moment. His hips jerked up and he could feel his seed landing as droplets on his chest before he became aware of the way the actor’s face was scrunched up, dragged over the brink himself when he felt the god’s muscles spasm around him. 

They lay there catching their breaths for a moment, revelling in the heat and closeness of each other. Tom’s arms gave out and he collapsed onto Loki’s semen-smeared chest, grinning broadly. “Loki, that... heh, that was amazing. Thank you so much, my darling.” 

“You are amazing, Thomas... Thank you. Truly.” Loki wrapped his arms around the actor, enjoying his weight on top of him and that he could feel Tom’s seed dropping out of him. “I’ll never regret this.” 

Tom blushed and hid his face in Loki’s neck. “Shush, you’re embarrassing me. Thank you so much, ehehe.” He yawned and slowly slid out of Loki, causing the god to groan. Then he rolled off of him and cuddled close. “Mmmh, soo sleepy... G’night, Loo~” He was out like a light in seconds. 

With a sad smile, the god pressed a light kiss on his sleeping human’s brow. A quick motion made the drying semen and lube disappear, leaving both of them clean again. “You are too good for me, my Thomas,” he whispered, shifting onto his side to watch the rise and fall of Tom’s chest. 

He ran featherlight touches over his lover’s body, mapping him one last time, taking his time. He fought off sleep, and for a few minutes he just lay there, worshiping the mortal that meant so much to him. 

Eventually, he slid out of bed with a heavy heart and draped the duvet over Tom to keep him warm. Loki then magicked his clothes onto himself, laid a spell on the actor so that he would sleep without waking for a few hours and left the bedroom with just a small glance back. _I am so sorry, my love._

As Loki walked through the house, happy memories of Tom and himself assaulted him, as if they begged him to reconsider, but his mind was made up. He went to the kitchen last. There, he saw a tin full of the biscuits Tom had made just for him. The god had not had the time to eat any of them yet, as there had been the accidents and the gifts from others first, wanting to save Tom’s for last. 

He conjured up a small piece of paper. Hunting down a pen, he scribbled a note on it. He opened the biscuit tin, contemplating whether he should eat one, but deciding against it. On top of the others lay one in the shape of a star, sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar, glittering in the light of the orb Loki had made to follow him through the house. 

In the end, he closed the tin and laid the note on top of it. Tom was sure to find it there eventually. Then Loki extinguished the ball of light and vanished without a trace. 

 

At dawn, Tom woke up to the bed being cold beside him. He called out for Loki, his words still slurred from sleep, but he received no answer. Confused, he lit the lamp on his bedside table, rolled out of bed and dressed himself in some sweatpants and a jumper and went out of the room to search for his lover. 

None of the lights in the other rooms upstairs were on, but Tom knew that Loki preferred his magical lights most of the time, so he did not pay that much heed. Calling out repeatedly, the actor searched the second floor, starting with the bathroom. When that turned out to be empty, he quickly glanced into his mostly unused office – _just to be sure_ – and when he did not find the god there either, he went downstairs. By now Tom was worried, and his voice sounded nervous. “Loki, please, darling, where are you?” 

When both the kitchen and the living room turned out to be empty as well, Tom sat down at the kitchen table, unsure what to do. “Loki... Where are you? What happened?” Tom whispered into the silent room. He knew that Loki preferred to travel by magic, so if he had left by his own volition, he would not find a trace. Since there were no signs of a struggle, the actor ruled out the possibility of Loki being kidnapped. 

Loki had no phone or anything like that, so Tom had no way of contacting him. He sighed, burying his face in his hands. _Why would he leave? After last night, no less... Loki..._ After agonizing over Loki leaving for a few more minutes that stretched like hours in Tom’s mind, he decided to make tea to try and calm down. 

Out of habit he almost made a cup for Loki as well, but he managed not to. Once the tea was steeped and done, he sat back down at the kitchen table, the cup held tightly in his hands to warm him up. Only then he noticed the small note on the biscuit tin. He felt relieved instantly. Loki had left him a message! _It will probably tell me where he went or, at least, when he will be back!_

He set down the cup and eagerly reached for the note, unfolding it as fast as he could. But when he read its contents his heart fell. _“I am sorry, Thomas. Truly.”_

_What...?_ Tom stared at the words, recognizing Loki’s writing immediately, but not comprehending its meaning. “Sorry for what, my love...? Leaving? As long as you come back it’s fine, Loki.” 

His brow furrowed in confusion, Tom softly laid the note next to his cup and took a sip of his tea. Desperate to make sense of the apology – _He will be back soon, I’m sure_ – he reached for the tin in the hope of settling his stomach with some food. Only when he opened it did he realize it contained the biscuits he had made for Loki and he hesitated. He had carefully selected only the best looking ones for his lover, all complete and nicely decorated. It still looked full, and Tom was sure that Loki had not yet touched any of its contents – so why was there a single star-shaped biscuit lying on top, slightly but not completely broken down the middle? 

“A broken star... a broken light...” Tom mused, lost in thought. _Loki always calls me his light... Is that... No, what am I thinking? It’s just a coincidence!_ “Nothing but a coincidence!” He put the lid back on the tin with more force than necessary and left the kitchen, an angry look on his face. 

“He will come back soon, I know it. No use in sitting around here.” He muttered to himself. After a brief glance at the time – shortly after 6.30 – he decided that a run would do him good and would help pass the time until Loki returned so he could question him why he left like that. Tom went back into the bedroom to change into his running clothes and then returned to the kitchen, looking a little guilty at his teacup. He downed the now cold rest of its contents and left the house. 

He came back about two hours later, his anger having dissipated at some point during his run. He took a long, hot shower, made himself breakfast and settled on the couch with a book, deciding to have a good day even without Loki. _He’ll be back soon._

Lunchtime and the afternoon passed, and by now Tom was growing restless. There had been no sign of Loki at all, even the food in the fridge Tom had left there for him after lunch was still untouched several hours after. The actor barely managed to eat his dinner out of anxiety, looking around every few minutes, hoping that Loki would just appear in the kitchen and everything would be okay again. 

After dinner, Tom settled onto the couch once more, trying to calm his nerves with a movie. It worked after a while, at least in part. While he stopped worrying, he also became angry. “Dammit, Loki, this is a shitty prank. Come back! God of Mischief my ass.” Tom grumbled at the television in the absence of the god. Eventually, he got up to pour himself a glass of whiskey and start another movie. 

Around eleven, he became tired, and the nagging worry and fear returned. He did not want to go to bed out of fear that Loki would come back when he was asleep, so he stayed in the living room, fighting sleep. _Maybe he will carry me to bed if I do fall asleep here..._

Tom startled awake when he heard one of the doors creak. Frantically looking around the room, he called for Loki, but was, again, met with silence. He was alone. A glance at the clock told him it was almost 3am. When he realized he was still in the living room, and that he was rather cold since he had not had a blanket, he almost broke down crying. _Please, love, come back! Don’t leave me like this!_

Only barely stopping the tears brimming in his eyes, he decided to finally head to bed. “Fuck, Loki... Where are you? Please come back!” The words were starting to become a mantra for him. 

 

Several days passed in a similar fashion. Tom would try to live his life as normally as he could, but in a constant state of worry and fear that Loki would not return. However, at the same time he desperately clung to the hope that he would come back in time for meeting the actor’s family for Christmas, as he had promised. 

Tom put off leaving for his mother’s home as long as he could, so that Loki might have a chance to come with him, but on Christmas Eve he finally left. His family welcomed him with open arms, unaware of his earlier intentions of bringing Loki – or having a partner in general – but quickly catching on the fact that something weighed heavy on his heart. 

His mother and sisters especially tried to talk to him about it, and Emma even rightly guessed that he was lovesick. Tom did his best to play it off as well as he was able to, and eventually they left him alone about the topic. He managed to spend the day without bringing down the general mood too much, and the festive spirit of his family even succeeded in lifting his own a little. 

After nightfall, however, he became sadder and sadder, and as soon as he could without seeming rude, he excused himself and headed for bed. Only then when he was alone and out of danger of somebody coming in to see, he finally succumbed to his despair. 

He lay in his bed, curled up on his side in a ball, thinking about how much he had wanted Loki to be here with him, to share this bed, the god’s comforting presence at his back. Instead he was alone and cold. 

At last, the tears he had forbidden himself to shed for so long fell, and he quickly dissolved into a sobbing mess. “L-Loki, why are you not here w-w-with me? What did I do wrong?” He sniffled, his sobs wrecking his body. _Loki please, I love you so much! Come back to me!_ “Loki!” he cried out softly, not caring whether his family might hear. “Please come back! W-was I not enough for you? I need you, Loki, please!” 

He begged and pleaded, but no strong arms wrapped around him, no comforting words were whispered into his ear, and he was still as alone as before. “Was my love not enough for you, my heart?” he whispered brokenly before sleep finally claimed him. 

In the darkness of the room, a lonely figure shimmered into view. Clad in black and dark greens, adorned with silver, Loki looked at the figure curled up on the bed. He had seen Tom being overcome by his grief. It was the first time he had come to him since he had left their home. Still, he had done nothing to comfort his love, although his cheeks were stained with tears as well. 

The god slowly, silently walked to the side of the bed. He sat down on the edge, careful not to wake up Tom. Like a feather, his hand softly caressed the sleeping man’s face before cupping it. Leaning down, he pressed a gentle, loving kiss on the actor’s hair and whispered, “I am so sorry, my Thomas. I love you so much, my light.” 

Loki stood up and vanished. Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I'm a few days late for Christmas, but at least it's still 2014?


End file.
